You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
