Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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