oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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