i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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