Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
