YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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