Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
