I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
