Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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