i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
