Just cropdusted the office
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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