Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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