What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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