my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
