Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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