Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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