last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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