He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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