She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
