Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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