i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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