Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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