You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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