I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
