Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
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I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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