College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He better not be in your backpack
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
