omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love you. Go after that dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
