So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
