I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found your dick twin last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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