I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They took my balls.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
