Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
