Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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