what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
