god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
