Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
