If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
