Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
