You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
