Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
