Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
