DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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