one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
