Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
