do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
