...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
