Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
