Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
