Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
