im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
