Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
