I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
