Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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