I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
