Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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