I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
