He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
