Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize