just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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