My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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